My roommate

This one's for you, dude.

"I'm flossing my teeth with my hair," he says. No, not again. How can one man/child come up with so many gross ideas? And yet, that's the case. He's endured one country's mandatory military service, which perhaps means he's learned to be resourceful. Too resourceful. He's eaten baking soda-- at college -- when he was hungry. He's never bought himself a single article of clothing, even though it'd do him some good to get some more white socks so next time he loses it in the laundry he doesn't have to worry too much about it. He should never ever eat hummus again, because I don't need to be reminded of the meaning of the word "flatulence." From time to time, he buys food to snack on in the room. He eats extremely healthy meals and has unimaginably unhealthy snack habits. Man, he spent the entire spring break eating chips. Actually, those were his meals too. He was disappointed tonight when his yogurt was fat free. Disappointed? And it tasted good too! Not according to me! Aaw... what can I say. Pulls game-playing all-nighters very frequently, my night watchman when I sleep. Actually, he gets into such a trance when he's gaming that he probably wouldn't notice if someone busted in and raped me. People talk about their game faces? Well, how about "game head." The central nervous system shuts down like that, I swear.

And still, he's the man.
I salute you, my roommate.