For reasons unknown (until the end of this freewrite)

For some reason today, at around 5:35 PM, I just got unreasonably sad or depressed. Why does this always happen on Tuesdays? Why???

Well, seriously, the thing is, I didn't apply to a Tufts program for study abroad. That was a dumb move. I would've felt safe right now that I had done something and I've got to secure an internship for the summer by basically the middle of this month; well, I have to apply, anyway. Is this why I'm stressed out?

I'm going to be honest, too; my social life here is somewhat too low. Last year this was true, too, but last year was better and felt more, well, together. This year...

As I've said before, I hate my dorm, and I still do now. It's not the people (though if I knew more people on my floor I'd probably like it better, whoops my bad), so much as it is the building. The doors are dark, dark brown and the walls are blanched white (is blanched a word? No...) which is an ugly-ass and depressing color scheme, the fan things turn on at 5 AM outside to power a dining hall that students aren't even allowed to use, the lighting in this room is horrible for reasons unknown, and the lounge downstairs is always fucking freezing because of its flawed design (and the recent renovations that our President said we'd enjoy in his email are, um, more like makeup).

I've figured out something, though. This isn't a complete Livejournal post. I've been resolving to do, well, negative things (e.g. drop class, forget about applying to study abroad program, bring less things to school) when I actually need to do stuff. Instead of copping out on the culture class I have I should jump on that homework. Instead of being tired of looking at my computer, go to the gym and run for an hour and come back and feel like I've done something and then look for internships. And in place of sitting in this chair that for some reason makes me feel bad (this happened last year; the dorms all have the same bad chairs), get the fuck to bed. These, myself, are resolutions that I can make.

Yeah, I've gone slightly insane. I'll admit it.

But... I know what I can look forward to.
1. I can look forward to going to France (Greg and I will hypnotize the ladies. Maybe just me. Greg, why are you always having me do things for you? Although I guess I'm just a natural...) and totally sticking out as a foreigner who can speak French better than he can get himself to follow the dressy-essy customs (you're not making me spend 100 dollars for jeans, sorry la ville lumière rouge). And the food is gonna be kick-ass. The bread... OH the pain I mean le pain. Give me some of that. I'm not sure how much I care for the city, though, to be honest... oh well, better than staying here, I think.
2. I can maybe/probably look forward to going to Kyoto, Japan. It's looking like either that or Osaka right now. Engrish t-shirts will make up my entire wardrobe. My entire fucking wardrobe and I can actually buy good clothes that look cool for cheap (trust me: I've done it before in Japan and I can do it again. Japan is much less pricey than France for clothes). I can learn something about the crazily unique culture. I can learn a language in a foreign country while I'm living there! (I basically already know French thanks to staying the course since 7th grade, especially in comparison to Japanese...) I can enjoy the amazing food. Also, Japan's so colorful that everywhere else it feels like I'm colorblind. Okay, that's a lie, but you get what I mean.

This is all a very outlandish bunch of freewriting. I'm trying to make myself feel better. I'd go so far as to quote My Chemical Romance but that would definitely be making me double the shame of myself that I've become already in this no-frills no-shame piece of shit. Gimme the beat!

Back to better in the morning.