April was Freewrite Month

It was. Don't you remember? If you don't, just click on that little arrow next to the "2007" on the sidebar over there, where you can take a look at our older bloggings. Wow, freewrite explosion! We almost had a freewrite a day, and we would've, had it been February. But that didn't happen...

I just went on a Star Fox trip without actually playing the game ("Star Fox") or getting high ("trip"). That's what happens when you look at FAQs of the game for too long. When you're already tired. And now it's 4:43 AM. I'm not doing that again... maybe I will.

I, with hash&hills, went back to visit the Prep, and it's incredibly strange. You know what? You know that hallway where DiMarchi's classroom is, and that unnecessary plasma TV broadcasts the Daily Bulletin? I never feel good walking down that hallway. What is it? I don't know, I don't know. Maybe it's because nothing good ever goes on there, until you get to the DiMarchi end. Then good stuff goes down.

I think we went back too late. December is the best time to go back, because it was pretty awesome back in 2006 when we went: I mean, if college is making us tired by now, just think of what it's like to be a high school teacher right now. Shit...

Apart from this, apart from this, I'm sitting in a chair, my left hand starting to hurt,

Um. Let's start that description again and preserve the classicness of that incomplete line, which doesn't look like it's going anywhere good...

Apart from this, I'm sitting here, staring into a predominantly white computer screen , somewhat on the precipice of cementing my long-term plans for the future. I know what my plans are for the summer, the fall and the spring upcoming, and now I just have to get the forms over and done with. There's something displeasurable about this, even though the product is a pleasure: that's it! -- it's an expected pleasure. What's so pleasurable about math, as Walor so elegantly put it, is the unexpected pleasure--getting something good and cool when you didn't know it'd happen.

Or is that it? Is it the fact that I have to go through something I don't feel like doing, or is it that I don't like to cement my future? I think it's both.

Whatever. This isn't too deep of a freewrite. Nothing I've done recently has been altogether too deep, which I guess shouldn't be too surprising, me being free from the high-school environment where we're practically individual mini-factories of insight and profoundness. (If "profoundness" isn't a word, let it be: "profundity" sounds like a "thud" or a "clunk" or a "crunk"; whoops, what? hahaha) Now we're just individual mini-factories of... productivity. Wait, is that true?

I have a feeling that, like high school, I'll understand college a lot better after I'm gone from it. You know what? Thinking about it right now, in the middle of the night, the blank white screen staring at me intensely, I think it's ridiculous that I looked Porter in the face casually and, without the slightest second-thought blink in my eye, told him that I was planning on being a math professor and going to grad school to pursue it. See, here's the thing: When plans are this big, (which they naturally get when you're at college) ...you get the feeling you're not even thinking. And the funny thing is, I don't know what to think as a result: I kind of like it?

Either way, things aren't as clear as they were in high school, although I get the feeling I'm not nearly as confused as I was back then. But it's not so easy to put something forward and say, "Look at this! This is a perfect product, fresh out of my oven" -- my essays just kind of get done and then forgotten. Problem sets take up half my work now, and the Japanese stuff is often just drilling, so I can't say I've been thinking creatively recently. My mind's been on creative autopilot --THERE! I've finally found the perfect way to describe it! ... does that mean I've just contradicted myself?-- and it's hard to recall what exactly my mind was on before.

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Haha, it's funny how that statement ended in something that sounds like I'm making a pun on drugs, but it was totally unintended.