You know, I had a great first semester. Snowy days and purple haze were the least of my concerns. I mean, they weren't there. I faced the greatest of obstacles and overcame them, and I'm not talking academically... though maybe the greatest obstacle I faced and defaced was allowing myself to be satisfied with a B+. That was good. We had a lot of fun - Scrabble Saturdays, calc chursdays, everything, yeah, sweet, totally, dude, knob. That was great. I had the best teachers ever! How the hell did I get so lucky?
Now this semester is sucky.
We've got too much work up in our sacks. Ouch, painful metaphor--- well, painful workload! Actually, my friends' workloads are more painful than my own, and no, the interaction isn't painful (if you're still carrying along the sexual side of the double-entendre); it's just that we really don't get to do shit nearly as often! That's not great. Also, I've got some duties I didn't really throw myself into that I've got to fulfill. That's not good. I'm not showcasing the strength that I did last semester. How the hell did I get so sloppy?
I need myself a floppy.
But to stop fucking around with sound usage, I'm making this to reply to Ashish's post (which you should not miss, because the writing is so good in it), wherein he states that he doesn't want to go back for break and even identifies the source of that sentiment. I thought that was pretty impressive, and it's true. Once you get caught up in a darkness, well, even if it's bad, you don't want to leave it. I'll take that further and say that being stuck in any sort of figurative or metaphorical "darkness" offers a sense of security. If you get stuck in muddy goo, well, you at least know you won't be expected to move anytime soon. It's 3:39 AM. I, too, am stuck in a darkness that I don't particularly want to leave. And my victory would be in leaving it, though it's already a bit late for that. Still, better now than as late as possible.
I think what made last semester so good for me was my willingness to jump around when I got stuck. It just worked. Right now, though, I'm not putting the pieces together as well; for example, I'm not studying enough, I fell way behind on my laundry, I forgot about getting my passport renewed, I've become too much of a materialist or I've acquired too many materials...
But I really want break to come.
Good night.
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4 comments:
Your writing about the "darkness" reminded me of Apocalypse Now. Could be me thinking of Col. Kurtz, or maybe "The End" by The Doors playing. Anyways,
I don't want to go back because I got 1/2 stuck on a chick and rock climbing. Note to self: put these two in some numerical order of interest.
whoa - i just read this title and thought it was mine, then read teh first paragraph about 4 times over thinking, when the hell did i write that??
oh wells, now that i realize it wasn't mine, i'm giong to go read it, ahoy
ugh my bad, i can't focus right now
i think i'll go and read my book for FWS, maybe i can focus on that
cause you know, it's just that interesting.
yeah i've noticed the same thing - there was os much more stuff going on last semester, and this time, it just feels a lot less... of that-ness.
and yes, darkness is definitely security. you don't have to LOOK AT ANYTHING cause well, you can't see it.
illumination on the other hand, is somewhat burdensome
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