Longing. Shorting

I guess all I wanted was to be forgiven - for it to be acknowledged that I did something wrong and to be forgiven. It was never acknowledged that I did something wrong. Now it is, oh boy, and I won't be forgiven for awhile. Does that ever happen to you?

I'm waiting for my flight to Japan. I have a complicated enough situation to explain that I might not be permitted to enter, or re-enter, that is. My student visa wasn't crossed out - why not, guys? It's not valid anymore; I'm not enrolled at a Japanese university. So I'm gonna have to explain that, plus the fact that I want to return so soon for a vacation. Plus that I'm staying over my (non-Japanese) friend's house whose address I wrote down and then forgot to bring. Ugh, horrible. Actually, the irony of it is that I might have thrown the paper in the art history notes that I packed.

This, my current situation where um I'm apparently never seeing or communicating with someone again, is probably good for me in the long run. But in the 3-month run it might not be very good. I'm hoping it is, though. But honestly I hate it when shit like this happens. This is only the second time in my life it's happened really. Did he have to lose patience with me? I'm still angry about it. Told him I'm a different person when I'm tired, but he forgot... whatever, we'd only ever met up like 7 times. How can you understand or know a person after only having seen them 7 times? You can't.

That's why this feels like it ended so prematurely. I guess it's really over.

This is so fucking lame I can't believe I'm still thinking about it. No wonder I was so good academically senior year and so bad at college interviews despite the preforeseen, almost obligatory senior slide: I had to turn to something, and academics were there. Now they're not the only thing, I'm glad. The bad at college interviews part, though... I don't think that would be a problem nowadays. Luckily a lot of grad schools don't care for interviews. They care for essays, though...

But since I care about my future and I've had it with this bullshit, well, I'm angry, and I'm going to do something about it this time around.



This is kind of the way in which I was typing that night. Fuck Internet communication. Fuck any communication that isn't face-to-face. It just doesn't work if you aren't close enough people and nobody understands each other that way.

But that doesn't mean you can't be understanding and considerate. Unbelievable. He'd had enough of that, I guess. And now, me too.

It's done. And I will hopefully sleep this whole plane flight. If he could see how tired I was now... I would punch him in the face.