Which way?

I'm going to be unashamed about my excitedness for thinking about this, and in doing so get more excited about it.

I feel like lately I have had choices between two good things, the most obvious one recently being Japan and France, and have not found a good way to make the decision between the two. You can't have both. And yet I keep thinking about it. But it's like flipping a coin over and over, not being able to stop, trying to decide when things are decided, and ever approaching that 50% for both sides, making the decision look less and less... decisive.

Haha, I'm done with this freewrite. That's decided.

Soul stutter

My uncle in Oklahoma was found unconscious in his house last morning US time, so about 20 hours ago? He's currently in the critical care unit of a hospital out there. My mom's flying out there this morning. That's all she said and that's all I know at this point. I can only wait, here.

From that, I don't know where exactly to go. A song in my head right now is "Love Is the End" by Keane, off their new album, which I was so excited about a month ago when it came out without my initially knowing it. But right now, the question in my head is, "the end" of what? I haven't paid enough attention to the lyrics. The end of what? It's the end of the album, at least, but further than that, what?

Further than this, what?

There's frisbee. Again, there's frisbee. I went with a few friends to Osaka this weekend to play frisbee with people I assumed would be better than us. They weren't, but they did do a tournament last month, so we did go for and receive competitive play. I haven't really enjoyed that thrill for awhile. I wish I played in more games in high school, got over myself for a little while. There's still time in college...

haha, but I won't force myself on that. I wonder what opportunities for frisbee there are in France. If any. I wonder what I'll be doing if I go there...

It gets really cold here in Japan. Well, I shouldn't use the present tense there; how would I know? It's only been a few days. Not enough data. I think that's why I haven't been able to make decisions so easily. I still don't know whether I'm staying here. I'm going to have to make a decision soon because my mom wants to book plane tickets. I'm gonna start applying for the visa anyway so I might as well pick France now and save some time.

But I've learned so much...

...Japanese. At least. That's not limited against other things, like about myself, about other people, about peace, about unstable peaces. Like Ben Franklin said, though, was there ever a bad peace? But anyway, I think it might be time to go. I will email CUPA (Center for University Programs Abroad) and ask them whether they have succeeded in finding an introductory abstract algebra course for me. They probably haven't. That, too, will influence my decision. Would've helped if Greg and/or Justine were going there, too. Que vous êtes fous!

I noticed that sp¹ was updated yesterday, but I couldn't find where the update was. I guess it was the reversal to draft of the last post. Makes sense, though, to end the blog more visibly on the high note Ashish unknowningly ended it on. There are a lot more exclamation points on that blog than on this one. Maybe our souls need a little stuttering.

In the good way.

I'm back, for now. Time to go play frisbee. I'm hoping, praying that this won't go bad tomorrow, today, in that separate time space, whenever, or that it hasn't already gone bad. Please pray with me.